For those 3 of you I did not send a grainy, unlit picture of myself and Mick Foley (don’t be hurt – like many a drunk dialer, my efforts heavily favored the beginning of the alphabet), I got to not only attend WWE RAW at the Verizon Center Monday night, but also got to meet Mick Foley, Jimmy Hart, and Ric Flair. Mick Foley dropped his book and I totally picked it up for him.
Thanks go to my coworker Jess, who does not have a blog I can reward with a deluge of traffic and will instead have to thank in more concrete ways, like allowing her candy bowl to replenish a little before reducing it to stale candy canes again.
The more entertaining details must be omitted in this forum, but highlights include:
- The Russian character, once a supervillain worthy of a PayPerView match, has been reduced in a post-Cold War world to a caricature, a mockery of Russian accents.
- A clearly homosexual character fought a clearly mentally retarded character in a preview of the Texas Judicial System circa 2017.
- Trump was present to build up his upcoming loser-shaves-his-head match with Vince McMahon. Jess saw him!
- Cage matches have apparently been reduced to chain link fence without even the sharp twisted wire at the top.
- Ric Flair…still wrestling. Still no moves other than the slap to the chest and the ankle trip thing.
- A ridiculously stereotypical Caribbean character (Carlito) wearing yum yum yellow booty shorts whose entire gimmick was that he carries an apple, tosses it up and down, takes a bite, and spits it in the face of authority. Bob Marley would be proud.
- Hacksaw Jim Duggan, still ticking, still walking around with a 2×4, still starting USA! chants literally every 2-3 minutes of a 15 minute match.
- Super Crazy did not live up to his name whatsoever
- Cryme Tyme drew the most racist comments I’ve ever heard voiced in public before